Loneliness

#111 From the Pickle Jar

Another day, another late morning,
I am awake. But I don’t feel like waking.
Maybe a cup of coffee can help?
Or maybe my supervisor’s reminder
That shall get me straight to my work then!

There’s much to do, that shan’t be done,
Much to do, but none’s power in my hands,
Much to do, yet laziness is bred,
And still, so much left to do,
Perhaps, I can do it all another day!

I’ll rest on the perches of my pronoia
Having done nothing, I’ll still be content.
Bless the broken road that I took to reach!
Spending days one by one,
From the pickle jar of fermented dreams.

Not a special day, this is just another one
From a long list of days left desolate
Days I have reserved to suffer,
Days that have lost all meaning since,
Days when I am scared to dream.

But, there’s no reservation kept
Holding back on my sleeve
Nothing to lose, there’s a cup of coffee for everything,
An empty chair in the living room
And some unanswered texts, they too will wait for me.

Possibility of a magic resides in afternoon siestas
Where most difficult questions find their answers too,
The warm mellow wind enters curious through the windows
Spotting a child lying next to his paper planes still unfinished
Softly touching his forehead, his dreams are given a push.

Still stuck to a lonely apartment at slumber’s end
End of the tunnel brings no light,
Unanswered texts and sparing calls try reaching me still
I keep my eyes fixed outside the window
A beautiful sunset appears to brings me peace.

Evening arrives too fast, another day spent thus
Doing nothing but just smiling at the accompanying walls,
A cat meows at the stars coming out to play
The distant temple bells mock Destiny, having already lost faith,
Another day ends just as it had started.

There are a few questions in my head
Keeping me awake in my lonely bed,
Did the gerberas bloom in winter?
Did she find an end to her sadness?
Will Han Geng release a new song ever?

As I drift slowly to my sleep
One question stays on, repeating itself,
“Aren’t I bit too harsh on myself?”
At the end of 26 years I learn,
I had never known what self-compassion meant.
*************

#63 On the Roads (disclaimer: childish and sleepily jotted down) 

One more night at an empty motel
The rooms all feel the same
The damp, the dim lights,
Lack the warmth that I had.

The coffee dates, the waffles,
The rainy goodbye,
Will I ever forget what you did for me?
I will forget, only if I die.

Do you still look away and smile?
When you think of something funny
But cannot share it because you want to show,
That you are angry and serious you can be.

You know, you have the brightest smile
It is different, and special in this heart.
Made me feel better when I saw,
And you gave me a bit more hope.

Now that it’s dark and time to sleep,
I hope in our dreams we will meet.
Again a time I wish I find,
To hold your hands I hope I can.
*************

#50 লিলুয়া বাতাস 

এক যে ছিল সে বসে, একা
চোখ ফিরিয়ে নিও না,
হাত ধরবে কি তার সূর্যাস্তের সময়?

দিন নেই রাত নেই
বসে বসে সে ভাবে পাবে কি তোমায়
পাগল সে তোমার তরে এখনও।

মায়া কাড়ে সব
জীবনের খোলস থাকে শুধু
ভেসে চলে আঁধারের যাত্রী কোন অজানায়!

তোমার ছবি থাকে তার মনে
ছায়ার ওপর ছায়া পড়ে অস্তিত্বের আড়ালে
কখনো কি ভেবেছ এই আকাশ শেষ কোথায়?

দূরে সরে যেতে যেতে
কাছেও আসা যায়
যদি মন চায়, কোনো এক সীমানায়!

আকাশ বাতাসে আশা গড়া
শহর প্রান্তর থেকে বেরিয়ে,
পৃথিবী ছেড়ে কোথায় লুকোতে?

চোখের পাতায় ছুয়ে দিলে
কাটেনি বিস্ময়
এ যে এক স্বপ্ন সত্যি হবার গল্প।

তারার আলোয় হারাবে তাকে
যেখানে ফেলে আসা,
সাগর পারে পায়ের ছাপের ভিড়ে।

শুকনো ফুল ঝরবে যখন
বুকের ভেতর জ্বলবে আগুন
সে শুধু তোমার অপেক্ষায়।

স্মৃতির সাথে মিশে যায় জীবন
দুফোঁটা জল আজ আর আসেনা
মেঘ শুধু আসে আর যায়, বৃষ্টি আনেনা।

সে বসে থাকে,
একা পথে খুঁজে ফেরা পুরোনো দিন
লিলুয়া বাতাস, মন পড়ে থাকে সেথায়।
*************

#42 Her Wishful Life

The burrows were empty there.
The winds blew all the time
Howled at any passers-by who tried to cross the field.
The dog sat blind under the pole.
And the sun burning everything for revenge.
What happens when this day ends?

The world for them will not change,
They will age and rot when time slips away.

The young girl looked steadily away
From her windows to the vast endlessness,
Her dog did not return.
The leaves never turned green again, the tree dried.
The winds carried sand into her eyes and made her cry. Her two teeth that had come up now were the only sign of aging,
Yet she was so spotless.

She did not know what time did. She did not care.
She had a song to sing.
She waited for the time when she could,
She needed to grow up.

Only thing she did not realise was time demanded a lot. It took away everything in the end.
She would sing but at the cost of being alone.
*************

#26

​Wish you were mine, when the thought came!

Wake up! Wake up!

I look at you, you are the only flower that blooms.

Oh! Let me see your face baby!
Oh! Let me be the one that holds your hands.

Wake up! Wake up! Let’s get it started.
I am hoping on, you and me.

Baby, you are my star, 
I look for you at night. 

  Look,                            You are mine ;

   See,                                My flower ;

Visualise,                          My Love. 
*******************

#22 Partition Poem: A different story

A chaos rises as life falls down
My life shattered and forced apart.
I never wanted to grow up,
I wanted to cry!
On that nightmarish night,
When I was left alone to die.

This land that I now call my home
Is not mine, it was forced.
My home was on the other side
In purple lakes and blue hills,
But my religion took away my home
As they threw me across the border stone.

But my fate changed, I met a saint
When I had no food, no money, no hope –
He made me his family, and gave me his home.

I grew up to be this me,
With all these scars in my memory.
I still search for my parents
Though I know I’ll never find them in this life.

After twenty-four years my new home is free
But my religion, still stuck to me.

I can hope my family alive-happy,
And I’ll get them back is my only dream.
*************

#14 Life in a city

Hidden behind pictures
Of a thousand lonely smiles
There are certain truths
From the life of one unlucky guy.

Truths that no one else can see
Feelings he only can feel in him.
Shade and light, dark or bright,
A bag full of mysteries.

Walking from morning to night,
Shackles around the feet
Carrying work all week long,
Haze of dusty grey filled city.

Along the walk came a bed of roses
Tired, he fell asleep.
A sleep that went on for hours,
A sleep that only lasted forever.
*************

#8 Writing from a distance (Of the hills)

Happily in your thoughts
Of resting in the blue hills’ lap
On this night are you dreaming –
Do you feel as lonely as I feel now?

Life is still the same, as it was back
Wave after wave of insecurities fought,
Weight of chains shattered out,
To keep the promises made.

My despair to be loved, to feel warmth
Worry no more, nothing will change
Long though it might take –
All that is to be done, will be done for sure.

This distance that you cry in fear
Is not forever if we be close
All the worries, the burdens you carry
In our embrace will turn to smiles.

When I sit here alone, I wish to write
I want to reach you, hold your hand in support
But all I can do now is to wish
This happiness of ours to never fade.
*************