#80 Heart Speak

“Why are you like this?” they had asked,
“You’ll ruin everything”; I sure did.

Although I keep wishing I’d change
Still cannot cross the river for my sake.

All things are gone,
I burn bridges to stay.

Even then I suffer and scream
As I wish to die laying on the table.

Waiting for the other person,
To let go first and be free.

Tell me, if it isn’t dark,
How will the stars shine?

*************

If anyone does read these ramblings of a mad young man of questionable age and wisdom, I would stop writing anything for some time. I might write, but I will not post. Because lately whatever I have been posting, I think are very poor (except maybe one or two that I liked) and repetitive. Even though I write for myself and for the sake of expressing myself, I still think I need a break. It is time to do some soul searching first.

Why do I write about just one theme? Can I move outside of that? When will my wounds heal?

A lot of difficult questions for a person who has trouble with understanding himself. I could very easily have labelled myself an introvert, but I am not that easy to see through. Maybe I can find some answers if you help me out, one way or another. One day some beautiful photo on Instagram, or a drawing that’s just for me, or someone with the courage to hold my hands will bring me answers. Till then….

Advertisements

#79 Forgive yourself

A moment! A moment please!
Look around you, so many things
Don’t give up please, don’t crumble
I am there, I know how you feel.

Even if you are left broken
You still have your wings,
You will heal, you can fly again.
Don’t give up on yourself.

The cold room, the stranger blanket
Can’t hide the scars you carry
Come out please, don’t shut the door
You have to walk away from the sorrows.

All that pain needs separation
But you need not leave,
Just hold on a while longer
There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Colour yourself in pride
One step is all it takes to heal
To accept what happened, is not your fault,
A smile, a cup of coffee in your favourite seat,
One familiar TV show and time for yourself.
*************

#78 Holding On

Universe is spread to infinity
Travel beyond the stars
Be in the company of stardusts
Happiness will come where you are.

Time is limited
A flower dies in a day
Think about the time you are living
Count memories and take steps.

Pain will keep you company
Worry is a misuse of imagination
Remove them both in a single step
Lose yourself to your destiny.

There was a time when survival was the hardest,
Now being happy is, just to live.
*************

#73 The feeling of a question mark

When a story starts with two
It goes on for a few days
Some feelings match, some scatter,
Even after times of togetherness.
Two does not hold
Falls apart to one,
And another nameless stranger.

Time brings a lot of changes
Known to unknown,
And the distant stranger becomes close.
But the biggest power of time
No one knows what it will bring
Good or bad, love or a heartbreak.
It will only be known when the time comes
Bringing the stranger along.

Life changes a lot
Through storm, clouds, and the sun
Does not let you grow beyond.
Where mind wants peace, life takes tests
Two plus two never make four
All growth ends in myself,
A few strangers come to nudge.

I am also a stranger, to myself
I am an eclipse for you.
Even if feelings match, still we move far
Because this life is a walk alone
A stranger, moving from two to a growth,
Holding the hands of time.

*************

#65 The Boy Walking in Time

Once upon a time, there was a boy
He walked on and on,
To reach a destination he never had.

Where was he going? He didn’t know.
What was the reason? Nothing kept him home.
How long would he walk? Who knows, it’s life.

Through the ups and downs, mist and rain,
The boy still walked on,
To a land unknown.

Five years ago, the boy met a woman
She hid behind a lot of mysteries, she was the unknown,
She was the Princess of the Clouds!

She asked where he was headed,
The boy couldn’t respond, he said he only walked
She smiled and said, I’ll walk along.

The boy stopped on his tracks,
Lost his desire to walk anymore,
He knew now he was home.

Now, five years later,
He comes back home one more time from another walk,
Will everything be the same?

It’s late night, travellers find rest in the sarai
The boy must walk on,
He has a place to reach tonight.

This time he knows his destination,
He knows the way and the reason,
Tonight the boy walks on, he must reach home.

Truly said, home is where heart is,
The boy realised, “my heart is in the East, buried far beneath,
Where Princess of the Clouds lives!”
*************

#63 On the Roads (disclaimer: childish and sleepily jotted down) 

One more night at an empty motel
The rooms all feel the same
The damp, the dim lights,
Lack the warmth that I had.

The coffee dates, the waffles
The rainy goodbye,
Will I ever forget what you did for me?
I will forget, only if I die.

Do you still look away and smile?
When you think of something funny
But cannot share it because you want to show,
That you are angry and serious you can be.

You know, you have the brightest smile
It is different, and special in this heart.
Made me feel better when I saw,
And you gave me a bit more hope.

Now that it’s dark and time to sleep,
I hope in our dreams we will meet.
Again a time I wish I find,
To hold your hands I hope I can.
*************

#62 Feelings & Invasion

The fog had returned, but you still did not.
Last year’s festival had faded, the lights, the sound,
All gone from memories,
But the expression of feelings is still there.

There cannot be any mistake
Windows are now shut, no door will open.
The refuge that there was in your arms,
Lost, I lost. I gave it up.

Legions walk past with their shining helmets
Naked weapons flashing, overriding all,
They break, they tear, they strike to destroy.
I am just a spectator on the side of the road.

There is nothing that can change the invasion of the mind,
Whatever came I accepted,
I suffered since nothing I could do against them.
Only you stood in between, you, my shield.

Expectations gave way, the poetry crumbled,
Things have changed since, much like our world’s end. 
*************