#80 Heart Speak

“Why are you like this?” they had asked,
“You’ll ruin everything”; I sure did.

Although I keep wishing I’d change
Still cannot cross the river for my sake.

All things are gone,
I burn bridges to stay.

Even then I suffer and scream
As I wish to die laying on the table.

Waiting for the other person,
To let go first and be free.

Tell me, if it isn’t dark,
How will the stars shine?

*************

If anyone does read these ramblings of a mad young man of questionable age and wisdom, I would stop writing anything for some time. I might write, but I will not post. Because lately whatever I have been posting, I think are very poor (except maybe one or two that I liked) and repetitive. Even though I write for myself and for the sake of expressing myself, I still think I need a break. It is time to do some soul searching first.

Why do I write about just one theme? Can I move outside of that? When will my wounds heal?

A lot of difficult questions for a person who has trouble with understanding himself. I could very easily have labelled myself an introvert, but I am not that easy to see through. Maybe I can find some answers if you help me out, one way or another. One day some beautiful photo on Instagram, or a drawing that’s just for me, or someone with the courage to hold my hands will bring me answers. Till then….

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#79 Forgive yourself

A moment! A moment please!
Look around you, so many things
Don’t give up please, don’t crumble
I am there, I know how you feel.

Even if you are left broken
You still have your wings,
You will heal, you can fly again.
Don’t give up on yourself.

The cold room, the stranger blanket
Can’t hide the scars you carry
Come out please, don’t shut the door
You have to walk away from the sorrows.

All that pain needs separation
But you need not leave,
Just hold on a while longer
There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Colour yourself in pride
One step is all it takes to heal
To accept what happened, is not your fault,
A smile, a cup of coffee in your favourite seat,
One familiar TV show and time for yourself.
*************

#78 Holding On

Universe is spread to infinity
Travel beyond the stars
Be in the company of stardusts
Happiness will come where you are.

Time is limited
A flower dies in a day
Think about the time you are living
Count memories and take steps.

Pain will keep you company
Worry is a misuse of imagination
Remove them both in a single step
Lose yourself to your destiny.

There was a time when survival was the hardest,
Now being happy is, just to live.
*************

#77 Dream Girl.

It started with smiles as we walked past
Moved to a wave when we became friends
Then we sat and talked as things progressed
And came to texts, like things meant a lot
Finally on call we poured our hearts.

I know not where we go next,
Because this is a dream come true
You and me, and life seems complete.

Every time that the sun finds me through the windows,
I am still searching,
The gaze, the eyes, they hold me.

When the phone lets out a ring, I rush
If there is a word from you, how can I ignore!
I wait to hear all that you have to say.

Your voice is the one that moves my soul
Makes me weak and crave one meet
To sit and be with you.

You ought to know,
You are the sunshine, keeps my heart going
You are the right one, at the right moment.

I am falling head over heels.
looking for ways to tell,
You are the one, you are what I have been dreaming of.
*************

#76 The road will stay when footsteps will have parted

There was not one but two roads to walk
One yours and the other one mine.
We met at a crossroad somewhere,
But we didn’t know where to go next.

There were four paths now
Which led nowhere sure,
Some places crowded,
Some for the two of us.

Without any words wasted
We just chose our ways.
To walk was the only option
Far away or closer left to be seen.

The road less taken was not for us,
We were humans in need of company
We stayed and footsteps became our guide
We had a long way to go, before we could rest.

The road is something we choose,
We create a way of our own in life.
One that might be far too long
But one that takes us home.

Of walking astray to far away lands
Explore what sights we could see
Without it we couldn’t have lived
It was in our own music that we were lost.

But tired we became, after a long time
Of worrying what would come
Being wary of togetherness;
It was long journey that we had taken.

Still we continued on the road
For it was the way of life we had known,
A painted wall in a way of living
But a wall to stop our growth.

A crossroad can also break
The things that it brought together,
While some separations are sweet
This ended in bitter memories.

There was a change this time,
We took two roads to different directions
We would have to walk alone again
To find our homes that we had left.
*************

#75 What love is…

Love shall never be easy,
It be stormy, it will sting
Tears will fall like rain drops,
But it still remains beautiful
To be in love.

When she tells you stories
All puzzles are unravelled,
The beauty remains in simplicity
Of togetherness forever,
To fall in love ad infinitum.

Stories are make believe
But some we live.
Answers don’t have to be always right;
But if they can bring a smile
That beauty is simply love.
*************

#74 Love Undead

I was madly in love with you
I was, I am still, I will be,
Because you taught me to love.

Before, it was a word,
Now it holds meaning
The feelings will stay with me.

Feelings are but burned marks
Etched in the heart
The clock ticks, I still breathe.

Even if things have changed,
Values diminished, feelings blocked,
I would live with the pictures I have.

Even if all the leaves fall in autumn and dry,
The tree bears pain and carries on living for another spring.
*************